Today, I am NOT optimising.

Today, I am NOT optimising.



*



For 6 years, I had no space to be and see what would unfold in the being space while I was 'upgrading' myself.

It was exciting, to learn all the weird and wonderful things.

Those years and learning I experienced changed me as a person and I genuinely wouldn’t have it any other way.


But EVEN THOUGH I, over those years, was consuming knowledge, the darker side of those years is such that I seem to have become unbalanced; my brain and my mind forgot how NOT to consume.

It has become uncomfortable at the thought of CHOOSING not to consume.

I experienced it today when choosing which of the podcasts I saved over those years to listen to WHILE I sand our greenhouse frame readying for waterproofing.

It felt that, if I didn’t - now that I finally have the time - it would be a ‘wasted opportunity.’

And the fact that my body was fighting against my mind’s desire to ‘push for the max' bothered me.

But then I remembered that consuming - even when it's knowledge - leaves no room for natural unfolding within me.

I seem to no longer know what is inside me for I haven't been there for too long.

*

So, today - until it gets too dark outside - I’ll just be doing that.

Hearing the sound of wood being sanded while allowing the natural rhythm to pick me up.

Without any intention to learn anything new or better myself.



I invite you to choose NOT to optimise, too.